Speaking in public is one of the most universally feared activities by people. Believe it or not public speaking ranks second right behind the fear of death. I’m surprised the fear of death does not have a larger lead. People don’t understand public speaking is a learned skill. Every speaker has to cultivate and nurture the skills required to speak in front of large crowds.The key to mastering this skill is lots of practice, knowing the subject and managing one’s self image. Henry Ford once said “Whether you think you are, or whether you think you are not, your right.” An individuals ability to achieve a goal is typically limited by the image of themselves. If you believe you are an inadequate writer you will not succeed at writing.
I have developed an ability to speak in front of large crowds with a degree of competency. My ability has only happened through many years of hard work. There was a defining moment that propelled me forward to master public speaking. It was many years ago but I relive the experience over and over in the quiet moments as if it was yesterday. This single event continues to push me toward never allowing me to be comfortable with my speaking ability.
Years ago as a young professional, I aspired to participate in various professional organizations. One of the organizations I joined was a legislative council of design professions. This council represented sixteen separate design association including civil engineers, architects, electrical engineers, planners, interior architects, landscape architects, etc. Each design organization had one vote on the council. I found attending the council fascinating. The council would debate a bill or a piece of legislation that was in one of two adjacent state legislatures and take a political position upon unanimous vote by all sixteen of its members. The group was very active in the two state legislatures. Representing over twelve thousand members the council was a real force in the political process and its opinion was highly respected by lawmakers.
As the council debated issues, I was mesmerized by the intellectual ability of council members to articulate a position of very complicated legislation. I recall listening to one member and thinking as he spoke “That’s the essence of the issue. It can be no other position”. Then just as quickly another member would argue the opposite position with absolute clarity effectively changing my opinion. A third member would speak up with a new insight that would take the discussion into new realm. It was the single greatest training ground for me to learn the political process. As a young profession I would keep quiet and listen as the seasoned council members mentored me in the ways of politics.
In most professional association if you keeping coming to the meeting they will eventually make you president, regardless of your ability. This was the case for me. I seemed eager enough they thought. Reluctantly I accepted, knowing I was way over my head intellectually. I knew I could manage the council’s meetings, they tended to run themselves and all one really need to know was Robert’s Rules of Order for Parliamentary Procedures. The bigger concern was that council had one big public event each year. It was called the Legislators Night Dinner.
The Legislators Night dinner was a huge political event. The council would invite legislators from both state legislatures free of charge to a black tie dinner. It was a wonderfully orchestrated affair with a big multimedia presentation. A legislator from each state was assigned a table. Design professional who paid the $125 dinner fee would jockey to be seated at a table to discuss pending bills of interest with a particular legislator. The annual event was exceptionally popular and would attract four to six hundred people. Invitations would also be extended to the governors, attorney generals, and other state dignitaries. Each year over 200 legislators would attend making the event the largest meeting of legislators outside the state capitols.
As my year as president proceeded I became increasingly nervous about being the host of the dinner. My only hope in the days preceding the event was to script my speech and practice until it was totally committed to memory. Prepared but still exceptionally nervous the event began with me greeting guests at the door. My first official duty was to introduce the mayor, so he could say a few words and welcome the crowd. I had prepared my comments and a short joke about the mayor which was inscribed in granite in my mind. Two minutes before I was to walk to the podium, there was a commotion with a couple of people in charge on making sure the event ran smoothly. One of them ran over to me and said “There has been a change in plans. The mayor won’t be attending so the head of the city council will be acting as mayor pro-tem for the night.” She then immediately shoved a new three page resume in my hand on our new presenter. “Here’s the new bio, take a quick look at it and go out there and introduce him.”
In disbelief I looked at the resume. I have never done well unscripted. Panic began to over take me. My carefully planned way though this event was turning into chaos. Unsure I scanned the paper looking for something to grab on to. I was looking for something to fill the gap of the missing mayor who I now knew so intimately. There was nothing. All my scripted banter was washed away thirty seconds before I was to speak. Deciding to make the best of it, I made my way to podium. Then in the process of walking to the podium I did the worst thing anyone could do. Scanning the crowd of 200 legislators it occurred to me how every one of them must get up daily and speak before large crowds. Emerging from the dark recesses of my mind I thought “Every one in this room is a more accomplished speaker than I am.” That single sentence was crushing head-on collision. It devastated my confidence. I had created a perception I could never recover from. The sad thing was, I didn’t need to be the best speaker in the house; I just needed to be myself.
I stepped up to the podium with this lethal thought ripping apart my mind like a piece of shrapnel. I took a deep breath looking over the 600 invited guests who were intently staring at me and tried to speak. To my horror nothing came out. My mouth moved like it was instructed but no sound emerged. I attempted to speak a second time, but again no sound. I wondered if this was the same feeling that people with spinal cord injuries feel the first time they attempt to move a limb that no longer responds. I stood in front of the crowd piping for air like a goldfish, my mouth opening and closing in pure silence. I can’t recall how long I stood there in silence, but it was ten eternities. There was a clutching feeling of severe fright in my lower spine, the type of fear that is only experienced in childhood nightmares. Slowly the paralyzing fear continued to climb up my spine until it touched the base of my skull and began to envelope it. Suddenly I felt the back of my skull open and my liquid brains cascade my shoulders, all of this occurring while I was literally paralyzed. It was the single most regrettable experience of my life.
At one of the front tables, a wife of a representative who had served in the legislature for thirty years recognized my dilemma and shouted out “Its Okay honey, my Harold couldn’t speak a lick before I taught him how”. The comment broke the tension in the room with the crowd letting out a big laugh. The noise awoke me from my hypnotic trance. I seriously considered walking off stage and out the door never to be seen again. I rejected to flight response and gathered myself to speak again. I cleared my throat and with a timid broken voice and offered an apology. “I hope you all will excuse me. I’ve never had the opportunity to speak before such a distinguish crowd such as the one assembled tonight. I am a little nervous.” The crowd immediately empathized with this struggling poor mute speaker and took me under their wing with a round of applause. This gave me sufficient courage to continue. I went on to butcher the introduction of the mayor pro-tem, but was able to make it off stage. Six additional times that night I had to summon the strength to walk back to the podium. The night proceeded painfully, but it eventually did end.
The next day I took a solemn oath to never allow myself to be embarrassed again speaking in public. I began slowly in small crowds working my way up. Year after year I would seek out public speaking opportunities to development my skills. Public speaking is about the same as golf. “It’s a game that can never be won, it can only be played.” I still think about that night and the self inflicted head wound.
