I have a list of travel complaints which quality me for a PhD in the subject. On occasion I find it necessary to rant about one. This single complaint is always at the top of my list. An undefeated heavyweight which will kick the wind out of even the most seasoned traveler. This particular complaint is universally despised by every road warrior I have ever met. It is so painful and reviled that I can barely discuss it. It’s the “Sunday Night Business Trip”. Why in the “#$%&#” do people schedule meeting so that they require Sunday night travel.
I have a couple of theories, but none of them good. The first is easy to explain, they are ignorant bumpkins that have never been out of the trailer park. They can’t comprehend that a Monday morning meeting is simply not possible without Sunday night travel if you live a thousand miles away. Talking to these people about time and space is like talking to them in some ancient forgotten language. I have found a simple approach usually gets the meeting changed. This simple and gentle plan will illuminate the four watt light bulb hanging in that empty cavern called a skull. Having demonstrated no understanding of travel rules and etiquette, just explain to them that Sunday night travel will cost them an extra thousand dollars. With a puzzled look they say “Oh we don’t want to do that”. Damn right we don’t want to do that.
The second theory is called the “Hoop Test”. Early in any business relationship boundaries are defined and explored. The consultant is tested on how high a hoop they will jump through. The “Hoop Test” typically occurs when chasing and interviewing for a new project. This process is much more insidious and evil, not much different than going to the pound to pick out a dog. The dogs are tested my laying them on their back in the palm of the hand and scratching the exposed belly. If they try to bite you, well wrong consultant. If they laid there still and relaxed you can hire them. In order to work for these clients you need to “prove your commitment to the team” or “go the extra distance”. Business is rich with euphemisms for taking it up the ass.
What is so disturbing is most of these clients are governmental or institutional employees that clock in at 8:00 am and leave at 4:30 pm every day. To ask these employees to work past five produces the same effect as if you ran over their dog with your car. They don’t see you as a person with a family or a life. Who ever will subordinate eagerly is the best choice. Never forget business is a team sport. After I have obtained the contract (with the customary “you are an idiot” fee added) I enjoying attempting to get every meeting there after either before 8:00 am or after 4:30 pm; best of all on the weekend. It never matters to me I’m never home anyway. Anytime is just fine, with the exception of Sunday night travel. People tend to forget that they hired you because they needed your help. At the most critical time when they need the final construction review it always happens on their time if I have anything to do with it. “How about we meet this weekend? My schedule won’t allow another trip back here for a month. Oh what a shame your vacation needs to be postponed”. I like to smile with a straight face and tell them we are “going the extra distance for the team”.
Over the past two months I have been away from home seven of eight weekends. Committing to be on the road over the weekend is not a problem. Flying back late Saturday is not a problem. Just give me Sunday to cook a meal or watch a game or to sit in a lawn chair with a beer. It’s just a criminal act against nature to travel Sunday night. I need to go it’s getting late and I’ll miss my plane. Yeah you know its Sunday. The bastards!
