Getting Affairs in Order

A bolt of lightening struck leaving me breathless. There was no real warning, just a brilliant flash of light, deafening sound and crippling fear. It was recommended that I get “my affairs in order”. Anger, sorrow, fear, pity, regret, desperation, stubbornness, defiance, hopelessness, and confusion, swirl in with violent and destructive force like debris in a tornado. I felt like destroying something beautiful. I refuse to listen.

I am a fighter. I always have been. No one has a more competitive drive than me. The animal instincts are taking over. It’s a strange mix of absolute clarify bordering on madness. I know the Vegas line, 24% -81% fatality rate. It’s time to train to get in the ring with the undefeated champion. As Tyler Durden said “On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. “ I will not get my fucking affairs in order!! This is just another early morning wake up call. I will control my destiny.

Someone recently told me that some paths in life are traveled alone. That may be true, but some paths are much less difficult to travel. My grandmother would tell me “This is your cross to bear and you can’t judge other person by the cross they bear because to them it is no less of a burden.” In the end we are all standing naked and alone staring into the black abyss. It’s funny, during this lull in travel I’m been looking for sometime to write about. Now that I’ve got a topic, I’ve lost my voice and writing no longer seems important.

“There was silence deep as death,
And the boldest held his breath
For a time.”

Thomas Campbell (1777–1844)

Study in Light

“A sudden light transfigures a trivial thing, a weather-vane, a wind-mill, a winnowing flail, the dust in the barn door; a moment,—and the thing has vanished, because it was pure effect; but it leaves a relish behind it, a longing that the accident may happen again.”

Walter Pater (1839–1894)

Dark is a Way, Light is a Place

"Light is meaningful only in relation to darkness, and truth presupposes error. It is these mingled opposites which people our life, which make it pungent, intoxicating. We only exist in terms of this conflict, in the zone where black and white clash. "

Louis Aragon (1897–1982)

The Damage Done

NJ-9, KY-9, IL-7, DC-6, AZ-5, WA-5, LA-3, NB-3, FL-3, VA-1, NY-1, TX-1, AR-1

My travels in 2005 included 14 states on 54 separate trips. I flew a total of 142 airline segments accumulating 170,400 air miles. Assuming each flight is 90 minutes, I spent 213 hours in the air alone which is the equivalent of more than five work weeks. This does not account for an equal amount of time sitting in airports. I decided not to calculate the time spent on flight delays over and above the airport time.

I slept in 31 different hotels with 78 overnight stays. There was a total of 106 days on the road which included 11 one day trips. A one day trip is classified as getting up before dawn, flying to a location, working all day and returning home around midnight. For some people I meet on the road this schedule is a walk in the park. I can’t come close to understanding how someone can spend over 200 days on the road and maintain sanity.

A restricted work load and general burn-out has allowed me to pull myself out of the game for awhile. I have only one trip scheduled for January. However, I’m struggling with breaking the cycle. The urgency which fueled me into hype drive is gone and it feels like I’m breaking an addiction. In a perfect world I would have picked a different season than winter to come into pit row. I find myself at a loss on how to conquer boredom. My mind is numb and clouded. There is a pending sense of being trapped like a prisoner. I’m constantly looking out the window expecting the view to change like it has every other day for the past 15 years. Perpetual motion has turned out to be its own drug, always providing the next new experience for the senses. Have I crossed the point of no return? Has wanderlust forever ruined me, like a habitual drug addict that forever fails at recovery?

I come by it honestly. My great aunt gave it to me. She was a Victorian spinster who saved every cent she could to travel the world. Travel log photography was her hobby. As a member of the Eastern Star, she would provide slide shows of her travels to the chapter. She was meticulous at traveling, noting every Cathedral’s name, the date it was built, the festival of local customs and always capturing the essence of the culture. She kept a small steno pad on each trip recording each setting of the camera on every exposure. Upon returning home she would transcribe this plethora of detail on each slide in the most delicate script. I recall her spending hours huddled over a light table humming as she catalogued her life. She had come to grips with the loneliness of perpetual motion, learning to find comfort in keeping track.

When she was preparing for a slide show at the Eastern Star, she would pull all the kids into the darkened room to practice her scripted slide show. This is where it began for me. I spent untold hours as a small kid seeing the world in vivid color as large as life projected on a huge screen. Then the stories would begin describing her journey. I watched the Lipizzan Stallions perform in Vienna and I could tell you the 400 year old tradition had survived Napoleon's advances and two world wars. I watched the sugar cane harvest in Hawaii and could tell you each step of the refining process. I watched the Military Tattoo on the Edinburgh Castle Esplanade in Scotland. I dreamed of all these places I would see.

I have yet to come close to her travel experiences. She traveled every state in the nation, every island in the Caribbean, every nation in South America, every continent of the world except Antarctica. She traveled every country in Europe before World War II, and then traveled every country again after the war. Knowing it was her last trip, at the age of 92 in extremely frail health she went to Egypt to float down the Nile.

I am now custodian of her legacy. I maintain her photographic collection of the world with all the handwritten notes. The collection of over 100,000 slides was given to me, because she knew that I was the one to be stricken. In my own travels I have amassed probably 40,000 photographs. It was my destiny.

What is difficult is building relationships and friends when moving at such a rate for extended periods of time. You get to observe the world insulated from social interaction. This social framework provides the safety net when you stop traveling. Friends provide meaningful distractions from daily routines. They provide an opportunity to share experiences and gain feedback. They point out that you are no bigger than what you are. Without this social framework, daily routine becomes as intellectually stimulating as sitting in an airport. This could be fueling my restlessness?

This is where I come to a conclusion and wrap it up into a meaningful message that will guide me. Unfortunately, the issued is unresolved. I cannot travel at the rate I have been and I can’t stop traveling because it’s suffocating to sit and stare out the window. I can’t help but think the lure of the drug is to powerful after all these years. I know from personal experience that Florida is pretty nice this time of year. Plus what else am I going to do with all those frequent flyer miles? Just another case of damaged goods.

Listen to be baby
So it’s understood
This running around life
Ain’t doing me no good

I get so tired
So tired of paying dues
But there seems no way around it
No end to runnin’ blue

But I like to have my fun
I like to run around
And I ain’t no stranger
In nobody’s town

I get so tired
So tired of changing views
And there ain’t no way around it
No way around the runnin’ blue

Now this runnin’ around life
Might seem nice and easy
But when your blowing with the wind
Sometimes it gets real breezy

I get so tired
Like I was born to lose
And there ain’t no way around it
No way around the runnin’ blue

Got no holes in my pockets
Got no holes in my shoes
But I don’t know if I’m leaving Detroit
Or coming into to Baton Rouge

I get so tired
So tired of changing views
And there ain’t no way around it
No way around the runnin’ blue

Left my billfold at the airport
Suitcase on the train
Now I can’t find my umbrella
And it sure looks like rain

I get so tired
So tired of playing the blues
And the road don’t get no shorter
Runnin’ around the runnin’ blue

Boz Scaggs

In Memory of MLK

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 - 1968)

Sleepless

Winter digs salient talons in my flesh.
Naked trees shiver swimming in pewter skies.
Sun and stars stolen by monotone clouds.
Color sleeps under pale alabaster frost.

Restlessness is my unending consort.
Whispering for me to flee certain death.
Shrieking eagles shatter steel blue silence.
Fallen rose petals wander aimlessly.

Motionlessly I dance to a heartbeat.
Eagerly waiting for spring’s soft embrace.
Life labors under cold bitter fury.
Suspended in time bound by heaven and hell.

Sheltering embers of passionate warmth.
Fearful winter’s tempest will conquer.
Howling winds punish yielding ground.
Sorrow’s rewarded with frozen tears of azure.

Loneliness relentlessly corrodes every thought.
Time’s forever a prisoner of numbing stillness.
In another place sun lovingly caresses sand.
Yearning as another sleepless night greets me.

Clutching hope to my heart’s soul desire.
Perfumed memories drift from consciousness.
Grey silence lies down beside me.
Resolve ebbs as coldness touches my skin.

Inhaling deep icy breaths darkness falls.
Repose effortlessly washes over me in waves.
Resisting no more dreams emerge in shadows.
Ravens weeps as inevitability holds my hand.

Over a rainbow is promise of spring’s soft kiss.
Time floats unfettered above my mortal grasp.
Destiny holds if I shall awake from slumber.
Warily waiting for flowers to return I exhale.

Is Our Future Sustainable?

There is a quiet revolution occurring in the construction industry. It’s called sustainable design. Sustainability is generally defined as “the ability of natural resources to provide ecological, economic, and social benefits for present and future generations”. This assumes that the natural resources are not degraded, damaged or diminished while providing social benefit. Adhering to sustainable design principals requires a monumental rethinking of construction and manufacturing processes.

Environmentally sustainable construction and manufacturing principals consider all aspects of a product’s impact from cradle to grave. How is the product harvested and manufactured relative to the impact on the natural resources? What is required to transport the product to a construction site? What is the projected life expectancy of the product? What maintenance is required during the product life? Can the product be salvaged and reused in the future? What are the environmental impacts for product disposal? All of the impacts are evaluated in aggregate to determine a relative sustainability index for a product or manufacturing process. As these principals continue to evolve the construction industry is engaged in wholesale restructuring of how business is conducted.

Prompted by the United States Green Building Council (USGBC) and the Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) green building rating system, the construction industry has experienced a dramatic shift in public expectations concerning new construction and renovation. Founded in 1993 the LEED program is a voluntary, consensus-based national standard for developing high-performance, sustainable buildings. Public federal, state and local agencies have embraced LEED for providing a framework for assessing building performance and meeting sustainability goals. In 2003, USGBC “estimated $15 billion worth of green buildings were under design or construction in the U.S., representing 12-15% of the total public construction and about 2% of the private sector construction”. While the green sector was only %5 of the $315 billion U.S. annual commercial, industrial and institutional building sector, it is important to note that it was growing at a rate of 75% per year.

In November 2005 USGBC reported “that more than 390 million square feet and 3000 projects have registered with USGBC to become LEED certified, including nearly 400 projects in just the past four weeks”. LEED certification increased 100% in the six month proceeding November 2005. The industry impact is ever more dramatic and far reaching because many owners ask design professionals to incorporate LEED principals into building construction, but do not want to incur the additional cost of certifying the project with USGBC. Currently over 21,000 design professional are certified LEED professionals testifying to the depth of the impact of sustainability in the design community.

As a focus for corporate accountability and sustainable responsibility have begun to take shape, there have been calls, both from within and outside the public sector, for governments to demonstrate their leadership not only through policies, but equally as important, through their own acts. As a result sustainability legislation has been enacted broadly across all levels of government, including eight federal agencies, 17 states, 48 cities and 31 major universities as of 2005. As significant employers, providers of services, and consumers of resources, public authorities will significantly contribute to national progress towards sustainable development. In terms of impact, public projects can exceed those of any individual industry sector nationwide.

Sustainable development is the most powerful force to impact the manufacturing and construction industry in the past two decades. The future trend appears to be increasing exponentially as manufacturing processes realign to exploit the burgeoning market opportunities. Corporate focus is not only limited to the product itself but to a far reaching comprehensive understanding of all corporate activities. Every aspect of the construction industry is being affected by this paradigm shift, which is in its infancy. Developing new technologies will accelerate the integration of sustainability into traditional heavy industries forever changing the manufacturing and construction process.

The quiet revolution is well underway without any signs of abating. The future is filled with opportunities to position innovative products and services which understand the fundamental basis of sustainability. The range of opportunities is only limited by our ability to think creatively. As we forecast the future of the manufacturing and construction industry, it is nothing but sustainable.

A New Year Wish

To honor those who are gone for we hold their memory.
To cherish those who love us for they give us strength.
To follow your heart for it is the path of happiness.
To see through the eyes of a child for you will live forever.

To give of yourself to the world for it will free your soul.
To weep for those without hope for they will teach you.
To leave a legacy for the world shall remember you.
To live a life of urgency for our time is short.

To seek comfort in family for they connect our past.
To plant a tree for it shall grow for hundreds of years.
To inspire a dream in a child for they are our future.
To banish fear from our hearts for it clouds our mind.

To breathe every breath deeply for it might be our last.
To know the world a better place for you made it so.
To pause at the sight of beauty for it surrounds us.
To love unconditionally for it is the reason we exist.