Propitiation of Faith in the Blood of the Innocent

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can’t explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Pink Floyd

“Suffering is one very long moment. We cannot divide it by seasons.”

Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

In the silent darkness of the heart of the night my soul searches for strength to face the spilling blood of the innocent. Do the origins of faith reside in the uncertainties and cruelty of destiny? Is the path to spirituality and acceptance of the inequalities inherent in life found by the trial of fire and pain? Does atonement seek the path of least resistance in the suffering of those most innocent? How do I ebb the rising anger in my soul which consumes my flesh and clouds my mind like a vile poison? It would be easy to steel my emotions and allow my thoughts to drift to the blackness, a world without hope, a life without compassion, an eternity of isolation where pain is held at bay. What justice can be found in the continued torment and suffering of those pure in heart, those who represent the light of the world? I can not understand what lesson is to be learned from the spilling of the blood of those live with the grace of angels, those that have changed so many lives, those that embody all that are good and kind, those that have already suffered intolerable trials of spirit.

Once again the storm clouds of uncertainty approach as I look to the horizon, indifferent to those who stand in the path of fury. After six weeks of wistful calm a second medical opinion casts a shadow of doubt over us once again. A new series of tests on my wife’s mysterious black mass had resulted in another more ominous conclusion of cancer. As if all previous trials of suffering were unable to shake my wife’s unyielding positive view of life, this diagnostic message was targeted at the most consuming fear of all, a long painful and undignified death. Unlike all other tests of faith, she collapsed into a deep depression unable to confront the possibilities of what this might mean. It has been a difficult personal journey concealing our burden from all as we wait for the fog of uncertainty to clear revealing the invariability of the path before us. Standing in the shadow of the future we hold our breath wondering if it is possible that the propitiation of faith will cheat death from its ultimate reward and prevent the spilling of the blood of the innocent.

“You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering.”

Henri-Frédéric Amiel


What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be not forever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
Grief not, rather find,
Strength in what remains behind,
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be,
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of Human suffering,
In the faith that looks through death
In years that bring philophic mind.

William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850)

Secret Garden

Caines, Australia Photo by Mr. Blue

"Shell let you in her house

If you come knockin late at night

Shell let you in her mouth

If the words you say are right

If you pay the price

Shell let you deep inside

But theres a secret garden she hides

Shell let you in her car

To go drivin round

Shell let you into the parts of herself

Thatll bring you down

Shell let you in her heart

If you got a hammer and a vise

But into her secret garden, dont think twice

Youve gone a million miles

How fard you get

To that place where you cant remember

And you cant forget

Shell lead you down a path

Therell be tenderness in the air

Shell let you come just far enough

So you know shes really there

Shell look at you and smile

And her eyes will say

Shes got a secret garden

Where everything you want

Where everything you need

Will always stayA million miles away"

Bruce Springsteen

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand--
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep--while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe

Saprophytes and the Decline of the Empire

Sap•ro•phyte: noun (Origin: 1870–75) any plant that depends on dead plant or animal tissue for a source of nutrition and metabolic energy. Most saprophytes do not produce chlorophyll and therefore do not photosynthesize; they are thus dependent on the food energy they absorb from the decaying tissues.

“Strange new problems are being reported in the growing generations of children whose mothers were always there, driving them around, helping them with their homework - an inability to endure pain or discipline or pursue any self-sustained goal of any sort, a devastating boredom with life.”

Betty Friedan (1921 - 2006)

Every generation has expressed concern with the judgment and commitment of the succeeding generation. The process highlights the gradual evolution of societal values and changes in social morals. I struggle to gauge my opinions against this historical experience of the elder generation, but after considerable personal debate, I think something is fundamentally wrong with the future of the empire. Throughout history succeeding generations have wrested the mantle of leadership by sweat, blood and physical endurance. The continued growth of the empire has always survived and prospered on the strong backs and minds of its youth. Exertion and determination has historically forged the values of the nation’s youth into a collective commitment of success. In our society has always encompassed a range of classes from the overachievers to the underachievers. Capitalism tends to polarize society into the haves and have not’s which has served to illustrate by example the perils of underachievement. Never before has underachievement represented such a majority opinion in the succeeding generation. The current direction of the next generation alarms me over the rapid decline of the once great empire.

Look around the signs of decline and decay is overwhelmingly oblivious. Take your pick of the seven deadly sins lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, anger, envy or vanity which infests our youth of society. To differing extends all of these traits are engrained in our youth coated with a thick patina of apathy. The next generation has assumed the role of saprophytes in the ecology of our society. Saprophytes produce nothing of value but only exist on feeding off the decaying efforts of other plants.

The origin of the decline rests with the do no harm parenting approach and continuous pampering of what I call the marginal generation. Every aspect of daily life is filled with praise and supportive nurturing regardless of the meaninglessness of the activity which provides such a smothering environment of regressive development and emotional dependancy. Attending every baseball or soccer game, mommy is present ever vigilant to treat any emotional distress as dependence on social support is engrained while stifling motivation as every need is met in overabundance. Excessive coddling has manifested itself in an entitlement mentality which is pervasive in society. It’s not my fault that I murdered someone; it was the fault of my abusive family environment which never bought me the newest computer games. Who ever said life was going to be perfect?

Showered with closets overflowing with the newest toys which are objects of interest for a few minutes, they sit in front of the television being trained in a life of consumerism. The process of selling has been so refined and instilled in our culture it is considered a recreational activity. Our youth now makes life decisions purely to support their need for consumer gratification. However this quest for the finer things in life is not focused into dedication and hard work, but rather in ingenious plans to obtain fame and fortune by entitlement and laziness. Large percentages of college graduates, if they graduate at all, move back home so they can live off their parents in order to support an excessive lifestyle of new cars and designer clothing. Increasing percentages of college graduates have never held a job by the time they graduate from college supported only by mom, dad and the student loan program. Ask most first year students why they chose the program their enrolled in and the answer overwhelmingly is it where I can make the most money and get rich. How can you ever succeed in life without a burning desire beyond holding out until payday? Our future is going to be disastrous fueled by an entire generation who refuses to invest but expects wealth to be given as an entitlement. How many malpractice attorneys does the world need? Talk about a monumental wave of midlife crisis covering a large number of the population, when the realization that nothing is given when nothing is earned.

The implications for society are abysmal when we look at the shift from social networks to virtual networks. Social skills are developed with constant interaction with people of all ages, not by being cooped up in mom’s basement playing video games for seven hours a day. We are creating a generation of social minimalists that only feel comfortable in the virtual worlds of gratuitous violence. We wonder why the dramatic increase of schoolyard killing has the education system in a panic. What can you expect from teenagers who spent all their spare time acting out ritual violence in isolation with blunted social skills? This has resulted in one of the lowest professional and public participation rates by youth in history. Why value contributing to society when most is your waking day is seeking fulfillment of self absorbed gratification. It is truly all about me and what will be given to me. All of this activity is reinforced with submissive parenting skills.

It’s interesting that youth is waiting longer and longer before getting married and committing to lifelong relationships. Their answer is wrapped up in an elaborate explanation of personal growth and discovery. Bullshit, I think that they are so self absorbed that they don’t want anyone playing with their stuff. Why should I have to share responsibility for someone else’s needs? That diminishes the time I can spend on myself. Instead, the marginal generation has created this new deeply emotional relationship called friends with benefits. In other words we can have sex with no emotional attachment, but don’t expect a birthday card because it would distract me from my self worship. I know of children who are a result of this wonderful relationship. Just imagine the conversation when the child gets older and wants to know about his mom. “Well I never really knew any thing about her except that after six shots of Jack we would crawl in the back of her car and fuck.” Friends with benefits are really a form of masturbation. Getting tired of screwing your girlfriend in your parent’s bed because your knapsack in the basement just isn’t GQ enough, no problem tossed the bitch like a rash and move on to the next.

The minimal generation is a walking poster child for the seven deadly sins. Which deadly sin should we focus on next? Why not focus on vanity? The fact cosmetic surgery centers are being filled with large numbers of teenage girls spending grandma’s birthday money on beast augmentation in order to fit in with the crowd. A female breast won’t even mature for another decade, why mutilate a body for a temporary mental insecurity which is part of growing up? The dependency on physical appearance is a result of consumerism exorcizing our basis insecurities. What about gluttony? I have to admit that the minimal generation doesn’t maintain sole domain over this sin. Thirty percent of the population is now classified as obese. Food is the perfect consumer product for a self absorbed population. Just think about it. It’s sold and consumed in a matter of minutes and has a short shelf life so that the industry is in constantly replenishing the supply in a never ending process of converting their product into compost.

Our consumer economy has cultivated the sin of envy to a status symbol. Why can’t I drive a Lexus or BWM like my next door neighbor? Children are trained from the earliest moments of life to envy someone who has more possessions or the newest gadget. We are driven to envy the lifestyle we don’t possess. The jeans we wear, the bourbon we drink, 600 count Egyptian cotton sheets we sleep in, the toasters we buy, all are driven at a fundamental level by consumer envy. Cities are blanketed with huge billboards of beautiful men and women whose illusionary lifestyle beckons you to envy them; maybe you can become part of their world if you would only drink the same bourbon. The best way to join that class of social billboard elite is if you drink the same bourbon, lose two hundred pounds, have a facelift and buy a winning lottery number.

The empire has experienced an unprecedented period of prosperity for over two decades. Many segments of society have never experienced an economic downturn, leaving them unprepared to accept a lifestyle aligned with their contribution to society, his is especially true for the minimal generation. I have little sympathy for those who have lived beyond their means and are now in financial collapse because of living on other people’s money. Like a bruise is the outward expression of an internal hemorrhage, our society is hemorrhaging from the inside out. Hard times which will test the will of a nation are ahead. We can recognize this decay and act to change society or take the lead of the minimal generation and head back down to the basement, crawl into an electronic game and masturbate until the power goes off.

“Civilization is the distance man has placed between himself and his excreta.”

Brian Aldiss

“We live in a time of transition, an uneasy era which is likely to endure for the rest of this century. During the period we may be tempted to abandon some of the time-honored principles and commitments which have been proven during the difficult times of past generations. We must never yield to this temptation. Our American values are not luxuries, but necessities - not the salt in our bread, but the bread itself. “

Jimmy Carter (1924 - )

Wild Nights

Pacific Ocean off Baranof Island, Alaska 2007 Photo by Mr. Blue

WILD nights! Wild nights!
Were I with thee,
Wild nights should be
Our luxury!

Futile the winds
To a heart in port,—
Done with the compass,
Done with the chart.

Rowing in Eden!
Ah! the sea!
Might I but moor
To-night in thee!

Emily Dickinson (1830–86)

The Green Wave: Sink or Swim

“The goal of life is living in agreement with nature.”

Zeno (335 BC-264 BC)

Sustainability is on the minds of every industry as the green movement has reached a critical mass. In the short time frame of fifteen years, green architecture and sustainable technologies have evolved from a radical fringe of ardent supporters to a generally accepted public mandate that is revolutionizing the entire world economy. Below the surface is a monumental shift in corporate thinking which is refining this brave new green world. Every industry will be challenged to make the shift to a new paradigm in order to prosper or even survive. The landscape and nursery industry has always been in the center of the green movement, but is not generally perceived as a leader which consistently brings innovation to the table. There can be no denying the magnitude of the sustainability movement as it becomes increasing codified in our daily life. The time is fast approaching for the landscape and nursery industry to assess its future and decide to either sink or swim in the mounting green wave. The commitment to become leaders in the sustainability movement will require dedication and innovation from both individual businesses as well as trade organizations.

The first question that arises is “what does it mean to be green?” Unfortunately, there are no publicly established policies or guidelines which are definitive, but rather a series of sometimes vague and confusing principals. Being green is easiest described as a way of thinking, in that every action shall do no wrong or diminish the earth’s resources for future generations. The difficult part is that every industry will be required to define these sustainable principals for their specific industry. Be assured that this process will not be simple and the rules will constantly change, but every industry will struggle in defining its role in the new green economy.

The origins of this green tidal wave can be traced back to a single document. In 1992, the City of Hanover, Germany hired architect William McDonough to craft a series of environmental principals to guide architects and planners in the development of exhibits for the 2000 World Expo to be held in Hanover. This short list of environmental goals came to be known as the Hanover Principals. Although over the years these sustainable principals have been expanded, interpreted, defined and debated, they are still the fundamental foundation of the sustainability movement.

As other industries begin to define their role in sustainability, they contribute useful tools which can help the landscape and nursery industry to find its way. Places to look for current thinking and valuable information include the United States Green Building Council (USGBC) www.usgbc.org, which has established the Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) green building rating system. The American Society of Landscape Architects (ASLA) www.asla.org has established a strategic partnership with a number of environmental organizations called the Sustainable Site Initiative www.sustainablesites.org to establish a green site rating system for individual sites. There are a number of organizations such as “Cradle to Cradle Certification” www.mbdc.com/certified.html, which helps customers purchase and specify products that are pursuing a broader definition of quality environmentally-intelligent design. Industry specific guides are emerging such as the Certified Forest Products Council (CFPC) www.certifiedwood.org which provides information about sustainable forestry, and includes a directory of sustainably harvested lumber.

Although these organizations provide some insight in how sustainability is interrupted by other associations, none of the documents will address in detail the needs for the landscape and nursery industry. This will come from within the industry as we begin to look critically at the opportunities for changing traditional practices and replacing them with more environmentally friendly business practices. The initial areas for consideration are easy to identify such as business practices that negatively impact air quality, water quality, biodiversity and consumption of natural resources. Let’s look at each of these four simple opportunities in more detail as they might relate to traditional industry practices, knowing that there are dozens of other subjects that should be considered in mainstreaming sustainability into every aspect of the landscape and nursery industry.

Air Quality

With the emissions from operating and refueling of landscape equipment, vehicles have a significant impact on air quality. Small gasoline-powered engines often produce much greater levels of pollution than that of a full sized car per hour of operation. The estimates can be as much as 1000 times more emissions are produced from small gasoline-powered engines. When these engines are mistuned, or run without air filters, measurements show as much as 50% of the fuel exhausted as unburned hydrocarbons. The EPA estimates that as much as 5% of urban air pollution can be linked to their usage. Considering the entire carbon footprint of the landscape and nursery industry, the consequences are significant.

A sustainable approach would minimize air pollution by investing in hybrid or fossil free vehicle fleets as well as a mileage optimization on how those fleets are deployed each day. Small gas-powered engines can be replaced with electric powered equipment. While electric still has environmental impacts primarily in the manufacturing process, the total embodied energy used during the equipment’s life cycle cost is much less. The most environmentally friendly grounds maintenance equipment is human powered which does not rely on a power source. I believe there could be an emerging niche in the market for a premium priced high sustainability ground maintenance service.

Water Quality

The landscape and nursery industry applies a vast amount of chemical based pesticides and fertilizers which, even with the best management practices, are subject to leaching into stream ways and water courses. While monumental progress has been made in training grounds staff in the proper calibration and application of the chemicals, it does illustrate the industry’s reliance on preventative chemical use instead of prescriptive treatment of diseases. An enlightened chemical approach which reduces generic broad based preventative treatments in favor of selective targeted solutions would shift the chemical industry’s investment toward development of new softer solutions. A serious discussion in the landscape industry needs to challenge the reliance on traditional chemical approaches and foster greater acceptance of ecological based approaches.

The greatest impact the landscape and nursery industry has on water quality is in the management of construction activities through the primary responsibility for erosion control. Our experience indicates the landscape industry is only marginally engaged in erosion control. No other trade has a greater opportunity to express leadership in managing water quality during site grading and establishment of vegetation. This industry should be the foremost advocate and expert in site erosion control implementation. Accepting responsibility for the site can expand revenues for forward thinking companies.

With the increased development of suburban areas, more frequent and pronounced flooding has occured. This not only results in erosion, stream pollution, and destruction of aquatic habitat, but tremendous property damage and loss of human lives. Several compelling best management practices exist that the industry can use to help to reduce flooding and reuse a precious natural resource. These stormwater based solutions such as rain harvesting, rain gardens, green roofs and bioswales, while not new have garnered a new wave of public interest. The best thing about these stormwater technologies is that they easily fall into the traditional market of the industry. A concerted effort in promoting integrated stormwater solutions within the industry would represent another leadership position the industry could assume.

Declining Biodiversity

The world's biodiversity is declining at an unprecedented rate, with current extinction rates that are at least 900 times higher than natural rates found in the fossil record. Over 15,000 plant and animal species are now considered at risk of extinction representing an increase of 3,330 species since 2003. The landscape and nursery industry may contribute more to declining biodiversity than it does in preventing it. Consider the impacts of introduction of invasive plants into the landscape, clearing land, establishment of lawns, planting too few species that benefit wildlife, overuse of pesticides and dominant use of limited varieties of plants like Bradford pears and junipers.

When non-native plants "escape" from our landscape and take over natural areas they choke out the wide variety of native plants on which wildlife depends. Our desire for large lawn lots results in significant clearance of natural areas which fragments wildlife habitat. While less than 10% of all insects are harmful to plants, most pesticides are harmful or lethal to all insects. The industry maintains a dominant focus on horticultural planting strategies instead of advocating more complex ecological based plantings. We have become our own worst enemy in perpetuating traditional solutions as the basis of most designs.

A dramatic shift in conventional thinking is necessary to address sustainability in the core of the landscape and nursery industry. The industry needs to develop viable solutions to lawns and corporate landscapes in favor of diverse ecological natural communities which value biodiversity. We need to shift the basis of the green economy from low skilled lawn maintenance labor to more technically knowledgeable resource managers. Along with this paradigm shift comes increased market value and revenue opportunities. The need for biodiversity can be a catalyst in reforming traditional practices into a sustainable future.

Consumption of Natural Resources

The world only has a limited supply of natural resources and consumption rates are increasing. The United States is the world's largest consumer in absolute terms for many resources, eleven of the top twenty. Opportunities for using less are limitless when we look at our consumer economy. Principles for reducing consumption of natural resources can be applied to every aspect of business when you look at areas like packaging, recycling, specifying locally produced goods and use of low environmental impact materials.

Looking specifically at the landscape and nursery industry, specific opportunities emerge when we focus on business operations such as reducing fuel for landscape equipment, conserving water when irrigating plants, mitigating soil lost through erosion and eliminating peat moss or other harvested organic materials to amend soils. The green industry is indirectly responsible for 30% of water consumption in urban areas in the eastern United States for watering lawns, and in the West this figure is 60%. Guidelines for reduction or elimination of irrigation water are commonly available, but the environmental ethics need to be embraced by the entire industry. The green industry can be a powerful advocate in promoting sustainable solutions.

The world is shifting towards an environmental paradigm which fundamentally changes how we conduct every aspect of our lives. This green wave of change is upon us and it is our decision to sink or swim. We can allow the wave to overwhelm the industry or we can choose to participate as leaders riding the wave to a prosperous future of limitless opportunities. The future will be best defined for our industry internally by creative, innovative professions who have a passion for environmental change and civic commitment. By embracing the challenges to redefine our businesses practices at the most basis levels the industry will be guaranteed a meaningful front row seat in the new green economy. There is a lot of work to be done and a short amount of time available, so let’s get started in building a new green foundation for the future.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Poutine, Pernot & Poussé

Notre Dame Cathedral, Montreal, Quebec, Canada, 2007. Photo by Mr. Blue

“The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.”

Frank Herbert (1920-1986)

The sounds of the calèche or horse-drawn carriages echo on narrow cobblestone streets, flanked by 18th- and 19th-century greystone buildings as I watch the snow swirl and dance on the sidewalk. December has brought me to Old Montreal for a board meeting. Our hotel is a delightful historic stone structure over 200 years old, which is considered by Conde Naste as the finest hotel in Canada and I have found no reason to disagree. The holiday spirit fills the air as Christmas decorations adorn the restaurants beckoning to come in and sit by the warm fire to indulge in the exquisite French cuisine. Montreal is the world’s second-largest French-speaking city but is also a melting pot of cultures from around the world, as its mosaic of neighborhoods and diversity of restaurants fill Old Town.

As I walk along the St. Lawrence River waterfront under a long allee of snow covered trees, I am following in the footsteps of Jacques Cartier, who became the first European to reach the area now known as Montreal in 1535 when he entered Island of Montreal while in search of the Northwest Passage and gold. Montreal was named for the Island of Montreal, which in turn was named for Mount Royal a mountain, immediately north of downtown Montreal. As I turn my back to the river the historic facades of Old Montreal frame the dome of the Gothic Revival Notre-Dame basilica which is renowned for the dazzling opulence of its interior. Within an hour I’m completely at home in this beautiful city which is as close to being in Europe as you can find on the North American continent.

Half of our board members are Canadians, who are intent in sharing every aspect of Montreal culture, which makes the stay even more special. Our first new delight was traveling across town to have lunch at the finest Poutine restaurant in Montreal. None on the Canadians would explain what Poutine was as we huddled in the cab. All they would say in that you can’t adequately describe Poutine, it needs to me experienced. A few of the more fussy Americans are concerned when they could not discover the origin of Poutine. In preparation for not partaking in this mystery food, one board member states “I just want you to know there are things I will not eat.”

Curious the Canadian guide begins to prompt the board member on what types of food are off the list?

“Well I don’t eat any type of animal organs.”

Everyone stuffed in the cab breaks out into laughter as the Canadian responds “By God what type of barbarians are you Americans?”

The cab pulls up to a small nondescript small lunch counter in a blue collar neighborhood as we pour out of the backseat and head inside. The interior resembles an old dinner with chrome 1950 style tables and chairs. Everyone inside has the same large dish of Poutine in front of them along with a coke. Poutine is a French-Canadian food that slightly resembles American Gravy Cheese Fries (Uuukkkk), but is actually very, very different in many respects. Poutine is readily-available across Canada, but as locals say it only really tastes good in French Quebec.

According to legend Warwick Quebec is the place where Poutine was invented back in 1957 by restaurateur Fernand Lachance, who died leaving not only his calorific imprint but also some serious questions about the low-carb fuss. Poutine is Acadian slang for mushy mess and is best described as a heart attack in a bowl. By the way, there is a proper way to pronounce poutine, and it's not 'poo-teen'. The phonetic pronunciation is 'peu-tin', which always elicits a vacant stare when one orders it using that word.

The French Fries - The potatos must be hand-cut and very fresh. Fast-food-type fries will not taste quite as good. Also, you must fry the potatoes in pure lard. Vegetable oil and other politically-correct oils spoil the unique taste.

The Gravy - French-Canadian gravy (also known as BBQ Chicken Gravy) is very different than American gravy. First of all, it is very dark and thick, like molasses. Secondly, it has a very flavorful taste which cannot be described...very much like pepper and vinegar and other 'magical' ingredients. Apparently if you can stand a spoon straight up in it, it's good!

The Cheese - The cheese is the most important part of good Poutine. You must use fresh white, cheddar cheese curds. These curds have a taste and texture very different than actual cheddar cheese. The cheese curds actually squeak in your teeth as you bite them.

Traditional Montreal Poutine

The overflowing plates of Poutine arrived at the table without ceremony. Poutine is a French Canadian equivalent of comfort food for a winter day. It was a delightful treat, but I’m not sure I’ll need to experience Poutine again anytime soon as it was almost impossible to finish the excessively oversized portions. I did notice that the fussy Americans seemed to like the Poutine the best while constantly asking “No really what is cheese curds made from?”

The following night for dinner we were treated to one of the top 10 restaurants in Canada which specialized Portuguese Italian fusion food. The restaurant was in a nondescript trendy urban neighborhood which had a lot of street life. The interior of the restaurant was very euro clique and only seated about thirty people. Our crowd of eighteen completely took over the restaurant as we joked with the owner. We allowed the owner to serve us anything he wanted as the plates of incredible food rolled out of the kitchen. There was grilled octopus in a wonderful rich smoky lentil stew, grilled whole squid marinated in olive oil and vinegar, smoked spicy Chorizo sausage, plates of cheese and grilled vegetables, tender lamb shanks in a lemon reduction, cubed pork with clams in a spicy tomato sauce, tiger prawns and scallops. This type of gourmet dining is the standard reward for donating time all year to the organization and the group was reveling in the hospitality, friendship and food. We spend the entire time in the restaurant in a ruckus debate of the differences between Canadian and American culture. “Ya know what I mean, eh?”

Our Canadian guide finally leaned over to me and said “Let me order you an after dinner drink, something I only drink here in Quebec.”

A short time later the owner brings two glasses of ice and two small beakers of a clear liquid. As he pours the clear liquid over the glass of ice it turns cloudy with a pale lime green tint. My guide holds his glass up in a toast and whispers “Pernod, my friend. Remember I graduated from McGill University just down the road here in Montreal and it’s my tradition for you.” As I sipped the Pernod , the leading characteristic was a licorice flavor, which is produced with anise.

According to the Pernod Company, “We owe this elixir to "Docteur Ordinaire", a French doctor in exile in Switzerland. In 1805, the Pernod Fils Company from Pontarlier in France began distilling the secret formula. From 1830 on, artists took to this elixir in the cafés of Paris. "Green fairy" to artists and poets seeking new pleasures, absinthe became one of the strongest symbols of its era with its enigmatic color and the ritual surrounding it. It is sublimated in the works of Verlaine, Rimbaud, Baudelaire, Oscar Wilde, Manet, Toulouse-Lautrec, and later Picasso.”

Seduction by The Green Fairy (cira 1885)

With the new temperance movement growing around the world at the turn of the century, many prominent French politicians and scientists turned their interest to France's new, most popular alcoholic beverage: absinthe. Absinthe was the subject of much stormy, impassioned debate, and was banned in 1915 in France. Today, with the legalization of Thujone and Absinth Wormwood in alcoholic beverages in the European Union, the Pernod Company has attempted to recreate what they thought would be the new Pernod-Fils absinthe.

Once we began drinking Pernod there was no stopping the group. The “Green Fairy” took control as we laughed and carried on until after 1:00 am. I one point I think I actually began speaking French. Since it was the last night the group was going to be together we decided to stop at a bar across the street from the hotel, for one final Pernod.

Outside the bar there was a steep series of steps leading to the door. I became accustom to the collection of young women hanging outside the bar door since smoking was banned in all buildings. As we passed the girls I reached for the door and pulled it. It can’t be closed there are a number of people visible from the windows, so I pulled harder assuming it was stuck. All of a sudden I hear the girls next to me giggle and start saying “Pussy, pussy, Monsieur.” Each time they repeated it then would once again begin giggling at us. I thought to myself that the women are quite accommodating here in Montreal, embarrassed to look for fear they might be serious. I smile and utter “Yes, Yes very nice, Mademoiselle.” It this response they all broke into laughter as one of the girls reaches over and points at a small sign above the door which says “Poussé” It only takes a second for my high school French to kick in as I translate the word as “Push” in English. I guess I’ve had enough of the Green Fairy and turn away from the door explaining to the young women that if we are unable to enter the bar on our own we should call it a night. As I say goodbye to the group, I can’t wait to return to this delightful city and experience some more Poutine, Pernot and Poussé.

“Custom is the great guide of human life.”

David Hume (1711 - 1776)

Holiday Wishes

Old Town Montreal, Canada 2007. Photo by Mr. Blue

"May you go forth under the strength of heaven,
under the light of sun, under the radiance of moon;
may you go forth with the splendor of fire,
with the speed of lightening, with the swiftness of wind;
may you go forth supported by the depth of sea,
by the stability of earth, by the firmness of rock;
May you be surrounded and encircled,
with the protection of the nine elements."

Old Celtic Blessing

Passing of the Storm

“Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.”

H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

Once again I exhale to begin breathing. The storm has passed restoring the ability to see beyond the waning sunlight as the angels gently kiss me on the brow. I can not conceive as to why we are so blessed to experience a state of grace such as this. Why improbability of fate touches some and forsakes others? Watching the storm drift past the horizon I resolutely know with certainty that only time separates our next encounter. I am not so foolish to believe that we shall forever ignore the laws of probability. However on this day I watch with bounding spirit as the storm passes.

After a month of dread and numerous medical procedures it has been determined than the “massive mass” in my wife’s abdomen is a somewhat benign condition called a “Uterine Fibroid Tumor”. Uterine fibroids are nodules of smooth muscle cells and fibrous connective tissue that develop within the wall of the uterus. In her case it has grown to the size of a baseball. The prescribed treatment is to observe the mass every six weeks using ultrasound and if it remains benign we can ignore it. Once again life returns to a normal rhythm for which I am grateful.

“I believe in the love that you gave me
I believe in the faith that could save me
I believe in the hope
and I pray that some day
It may raise me above these”

Bruce Springsteen (Badlands)

Who’ll Stop the Rain

“Long as I remember
the rain been comin' down.
Clouds of myst'ry pouring
confusion on the ground.
Good men through the ages,
try'n' to find the sun,
and I wonder, still I wonder,
who'll stop the rain.”

John Fogerty

In the silence of the world the air fills with the sound of the whip as the flesh is torn from my back. Only the weak of heart seeks a dark apology for the wrath of pain that anoints our soul. The strong and virtuous admit no destiny in kneeling before adversity, nor shall I. Courage is not granted by the almighty but is earned by the necessity to withstand the winds of the tempest as it approaches. My eyes are affixed and my resolve steeled as I await the struggle. A sturdy staff fashioned of faith shall be my only protection as the eye of the storm once again passes over what I cherish. Standing naked before the fury I shall not waiver, for my strength and determination will withstand the onslaught or I shall forever be swept away.

On the eleventh anniversary of my father’s passing and the eve before Thanksgiving the mystery of my wife’s weight loss is discovered. A scan has revealed a massive tumor in her abdomen. We shall once again await the holiday in silence gazing at the storm on the horizon.

“There are times when God asks nothing of his children except silence, patience and tears.”

C. S. Robinson

“The eternal silence of these infinite spaces fills me with dread.”

Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

Out of Bounds

Photo by Mr. Blue

"And I still can hear him say:

You're all just pissin' in the wind

You don't know it but you are.

And there ain't nothin' like a friend

Who can tell you you're just pissin' in the wind."

Neil Young 1974

Lost in the Flood

“Life is a long lesson in humility.”

James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937)

One year ago today my wife died, but through the marvels of modern medicine, a handful of luck and a one of the nation’s most talented brain surgeon she survived a ninety-nine in hundred death sentence. Since then everything has changed but everything remains the same. As we celebrate her first birthday of a second life, we are blessed to have a chance so few are privileged to experience. As pages turn it is not without a price to pay for what was lost in the flood.

In attempt to find comfort in the routine of her previous life, my wife shortly after her release from the hospital, dove head first back into her career against everyone’s better judgment. It was a period of denial that the event ever happened, a desire to prove the world was no different, refusing to accept that she was even lucky. I’ve come to realize she did not experience or comprehend the threshold of death. For her it was the easiest of progressions to stroll into the afterlife as convenient as slipping out of a jacket on a sunny day. Ultimately, it was my near death experience not hers. I had experienced it as if I had left my body hovering above her in the hospital.

For over thirty years her identify was one of a powerful executive, a consummate professional that was sought out for an unparalleled depth of knowledge and ability. Throughout a varied and diverse career she managed multiple offices with a staff of over thirty, established a new Midwest division of six offices for a national corporation and held leadership positions in every aspect of a complex financial industry for a dozen companies. She did all of this without post secondary education using her perceived inferiority as a strong motivational tool to push ahead of her peers. Driven to succeed does not adequately capture the years of working 80 hour weeks. For a lifetime she possessed a defining personal identity which was her foundation of self assurance. Between heartbeats on that day one year ago everything about who she was changed.

Twelve months of healing and evaluation has revealed the final extent of the collateral damage emerging from a shifting fog of uncertainty and hope. It has been a challenging time for both of us as I sit helpless watching her reconcile her new life against the old. In her solicitude, she excruciatingly compares her previous person with the limitations of the new. For months her primary focus was to hide each new disability as they became apparent while attempting to continue her career. Short term memory loss, reduced analytical capacity and significantly diminished reading comprehension unleashed a flood of emotions I have never seem as she struggled to hold on to an exposed root of self respect in a seething river current of personal loss. The detailed neurological assessments have uncovered her amazing ability to adapt, to compensate and how brain function while so fragile responds in mystical ways.

An area of significant impact was her ability to process the spoken word, part comprehension and part short term memory. As a result she has developed an acute visual perception. In order to process the spoken word she will write the message out in her hand with an imaginary finger so that comprehension bypasses the disrupted audio paths and is communicated to the brain visually. It astounds me on resilience our brain is, finding new pathways to repair damage. She was so good at compensating in other ways that the disability was hidden until the neurophysiologist tested a fully range of brain function.

Slowly over the months it became apparent that the collateral damage exceeded her ability to function at a high level in her career. The constant struggle and deception took the fight out of her as she reluctantly came to realize that she no longer wanted to work so hard making people believe nothing had changed. The experience has been only what I can describe as a recovery from a modest form of Alzheimer’s. It has given me a fearful perspective of the unimaginable horror of descending into Alzheimer’s without hope of recovery. It is with certainty that we all will at different rates descend into humility suffering indignity of losing what we cherish. If only by the grace of god, we live long enough whatever fortifies the core of your soul will be taken from you, beauty, mind, body, memories, family, privacy, independence, leaving us all naked at the door of death. Without ceremony we transgress to frail, tattered broken reflections of our former selves, a slow process yielding to nature. Each small loss of mobility, functionality, range, stamina and endurance signals the eventual slow waltz with life’s close. There is no apology for my morose ramblings for they are only a statement of truth whether or not we want to recognize the final and inescapable law of nature.

Gradually through a curtain of tears and fears she accepted the new direction life has taken, but the shift is still undermined by the loss of self assurance, confidence and self identify. This has fundamentally changed our relationship and the level of nurturing she requires. A previous relationship of equals, powerful and decisive, a collective balance is now in flux and redefinition. The fine balance of shared responsibility has been disrupted, at times taking on a parent and child persona as I am possibly overcompensating in a sheltering protective fashion. I find myself doting on her as if she is helpless which she is not, but I find her much more pensive and unsure of decisions. She is in the final stages of obtaining approval for long term disability which will complete her transition to her new life.

One of the remaining mysteries has been her loss of appetite for which I have taken her to specialists and physicians over and over without discovering a cause. Every time we recieve a clean bill of health. She has lost 40 pounds and is now struggling to fill a size 0. I think she has stabilized at this weight which is of no apparent concern to her. The extreme weight lost probably makes me more protection because she seems so frail. At a critical point during one of the visits to the neurosurgeon, he highly recommended that she quite smoking because there is a number of small defects on the other side of her brain and smoking is a significant factor in increasing the risk that these defects can develop into another rupture. He also suggested that she get a chest x-ray because an unexplained weight loss such as hers could be cancer. As we walked out of the doctor’s office she lit up a cigarette and looked up at me to say “I think that went well.” I have to admit it was one of the few times in our marriage I totally lost it. It was a blur but I think my first words were “What fucking planet do you live on!!!!!” It remains an unresolved issue, a small defiant stand on personal choice and independence she is unwilling to relinquish.

A requirement of the short term disability policy is that she stop working which was a struggle at first but now she quietly sits at home cleaning long forgotten items while spending time with her mother. The days drift by in a series of never ending errands and casual meanderings as her daily interaction with the outside world shrinks. After thirty years of making her clients successful, catering to their every need, becoming close in decades old relationships, I’m astounded how quickly they have all disappeared without a trace which makes me angry at their shallowness.

Although not obvious to her I watch each day like a hawk gauging her level of satisfaction and personal fulfillment always concerned that her departure from the spotlight will manifest itself into depression. On occasion she will look at her laptop with wistful eye of a life departed, but just as quickly her gaze will focus on the dust that has accumulated on its lid as she goes to get a dusting rag. Each day I pray she finds solace and balance in her second life. When the times are right I probe by asking her simply “Are you happy. Is everything going alright?” The answer always takes much longer than I feel it should, revealing an unresolved internal debate, but is unquestionably “Yes I’m happy”. I intentionally leave an awkward silent pause to allow for the recrimination or retraction that never comes.

None of us can know what the future shall bring. We all travel our separate road making decisions based on the moment. Even in retrospect I’m not sure we can judge if those decisions are for the better or the worst, they are just a milepost in a journey that ends sometime and someplace in the future. Personally, I’ve always had to reconcile my family legacy of early departures to the afterlife. As they say “We don’t make old bones.” This lifelong realization might be an underlying factor in my frantic pace; a life line that could be measured in years not decades if family history determines the odds and probabilities. What will I leave behind unfulfilled? As we all walk to the fateful edge of existence what dreams will be broken, what desires will haunt final our thoughts, what love will be lost in the flood?

As each natural disaster cleanses the land with undirected violence, sculpting the earth into new patterns we learn anew to navigate our altered world by the sun and heavens having faith in those things unchanged in a changed landscape. Adapting to circumstances while picking of the pieces of our life we walk into an uncertain future only knowing those things that we lost in the flood but always thankful, hopeful to experience another spring morning, another summer afternoon, another sunset, another starlit night, just another chance to breath.

"Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come. “

William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

North Beach Discovery

How about a Sunday lunch with four hundred thousand of your closest friends? Streets filled with long tables overflowing with Italian pasta, bread and wine. Smiling faces engaged in jovial laughter and conversation while the warm fall sun illuminates the festivity as a parade slowly snakes by. A history of passing on folk traditions from one generation to the next for 138 years is evident as your stroll the streets. By accident we stumbled on San Francisco’s Annual Italian Heritage Parade on Columbus Day which is distinguished as the City's oldest civic event and the nation's oldest Italian-American parade. What a beautiful way to spend a lazy Sunday.

“The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.”

George Miller

A Room with a View

Penthouse View, San Francisco, Photo by Mr. Blue

Sometimes I lie awake at night

And wonder

Where the years have gone

They have all passed under

Sleep's dark and silent gate

Bonnie Raitt

Where Real Men Eat, Part 2

Hollywood Cafe, San Francisco. Photo by Mr. Blue

"Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Inconceivable

How does one spend two days in Napa Valley during a spectacular fall weekend and never leave a board meeting? It becomes an inconceivable distraction sitting around a dark windowless board room viewing a complicated agenda while paradise calls you like a temptress to an escape only a few feet from your reach. Only while driving back to San Francisco did I fully appreciate how much did I miss. I’m beginning to see a subtle shift in my priorities from civic commitment to self indulgence.

“Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.”

Alain van der Heide

The Pitch

“One of the hardest tasks of leadership is understanding that you are not what you are, but what you're perceived to be by others.”

Edward L. Flom

Walking out of the terminal dense humid air blankets the ground like a wet sheet as small drops of moisture clings to my glistening skin. The airport is abandon in darkness as everything wet from the lazy rain. Taking my suit jacket off, I carefully fold it placing it neatly into my black leather carry on bag. I never remember how steamy Miami is during this time of year and always wear a jacket which becomes just another useless piece of dead weight to tote around during the trip. Looking around the street I struggle to recall, if the surroundings look familiar or not. After so many years of perpetual motion everywhere appears both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. I scan the terminal for recognizable clues to jump start my brain. It is like I’m retracing a past life which is haunting me through a foggy haze. I decide the clues are inconclusive, but don’t know if I’m been here before as I maneuver shallow puddles with its surface dancing from the fleeting raindrops as I drift to hotel pick-up zone.

Calling the hotel service they indicate a shuttle bus will pick me up in twenty five minutes. Glancing at me watch I note the time, 1:15 am and make the calculation that I will finally get checked in to the hotel sometime close to 2:00 am. My stomach is churning from what feels like an excess of caffeine, but because my lack of consumption of caffeine, I attribute my queasiness to adrenaline. The weakness in my stomach is coupled with a low grade headache that has slowly begun to grip my shoulders. The dull constant pounding wraps over my left ear down the neck to my back. It has been about a week since I’ve had a restful night of sleep. I’m currently working on about three hours of sleep a night anticipating tomorrow’s presentation. To relieve the fatigue I raise face to the sky allowing the warm drizzle to cleanse my forehead.

Travel is filled with wasted time. Time that has no meaning or purpose, no ability to contribute, just hollow gaps in life that contain unending small eternities of personal boredom. All one can do trapped in these wasted voids is to peer out at the future, helplessly waiting for the journey to continue, waiting for the motion to begin. On the road time is elastic and discontinuous as hour disappear is a blink of an eye while other moments painfully drag in a torturous slow motion. Over the years I’ve developed the ability to shift my thoughts into neutral, a self induced trance effectively disarming my emotions. Mental adaptation to time is critical in preserving emotional sanity on the road. It’s acknowledgement that I’m not in control of the circumstances, a freeing of the confirmed spirit allowing frustration, anger, stress and ire to dissipate into thin air. I focus on the warm raindrops striking my face recalling childhood memories of walking in a late afternoon summer rain. Then as if by magic, as if summoned from a dark void within me, the hotel shuttle rounds the empty sullen street and pulls up next to me opening the door with a rusty squeak.

Secure in an emotionless trance I silently sit without speaking to the shuttle driver as the bus turns and twists bumpy dark streets of an ugly wasteland of rusty metal industrial buildings scattered randomly in open expanses of asphalt tarmac decorated by chain link fences topped with ribbons of gleaming razor wire. Off in the distance is a small darken form of a palm tree. It is the only clue that I’m in semitropical Miami. Emerging from an endless series of grey concrete ramps and overpasses a colorful glow appears on the horizon. Hues of purple and red neon light the night sky which could be mistaken for just another strip club that sits like an enticing oasis in the post nuclear environment surrounding most airports. Heading toward the glow in the sky the name of the hotel reveals itself through a low hanging mist. I dismiss the oddity that my ten story hotel is covered in neon like a strip club because its Miami, everything in Miami is covered in neon even the palm trees.

Traveling to Miami is as close to an international destination as anywhere in North America. The city gyrates to its own pulse as the gateway to South America and the Caribbean. Tomorrow’s presentation is to a large multinational corporation which employs more nationalities then the United Nations. Our evening’s reservation is with a French hotel chain housed in a tastefully renovated 1930 Art Deco building. The lobby is sleek and eclectic with white washed walls spotted with black and white vintage art photography. The staff is Moroccan, French and Cuban which add to the exotic charm.

The room is ample and modern with a large window which is illuminated with the soft pastels of the neon that trim the structure. I always have difficulty immediately falling asleep at night and require an hour or two to relax regardless of the time. My insomnia is more acute as I script tomorrow’s presentation over and over in my mind. Pulling aside the sheer curtains the window peers over a large pool deck which is also outlined in neon casting a surrealistic cartoon glow to the landscape. I pick up my camera and snap a few photos from the window before noticing a security guard staring at me from six stories below. Feeling self conscience I put the camera down and turn on the laptop to add the finals touches to the pitch. Finally, exhausted from the long day I pick up the phone at 3:45 am to request a 6:00 am wake-up call.

Miami Night. Photo by Mr. Blue

The interview team of four meets in the hotel restaurant for breakfast at 7:00 am. The white linen dining room is pure French tropical with exquisite rich black coffee served in glass Turkish presses. The food is above average due to the French cuisine as the interview team goes over the script and agenda in unrelenting detail. We then turn our attention to project schedule and costs which is a massive logistic undertaking as the papers cover the small table. We conclude breakfast with intensely grilling each other trying to identify all the questions we might be required to field during the presentation.

Preparations are over and its time to hale a cab to the headquarters. The cab driver laughs as we give him the address which is all of one block from the hotel. He is congenial as we inform him that he will have a hard time making his fortune my picking up deadbeats like us all the time. As we pile out of the cab into the sultry warm air the headquarters building is another nondescript blue glass box sitting on another nondescript business park road that is designed to punish anyone wanting to walk to another destination. Landscaping is used in a feeble attempt to cloak the hideous two story cheap concrete parking structures and acres of molten black asphalt as we walk toward the door. Miami is more fortunate than more with its ability to support lush highly manicured collections of exotic plants from around the world, which left unattended by the legions of migrant labor, would perish before your eyes.

Passing through an uninspired lobby, we are greeted by the receptionist who directs us to the conference room we are scheduled to present in. She points out the audio-visual equipment, turns and leaves us alone to set up. The conference room is well appointed with the newest of business teleconferencing equipment revealing the company’s broad international reach. Most interesting is the piles of discarded presentation props, sample boards, posters, models which indicates we have reached the inner lair of the real decision makers. We are in the inner sanctum of the power elite where the future is forged. It is like we are surrounded by the bones and remains of the hopeful that have preceded us. Some of the remains are quite elaborate and creative, while others are crude and rudimentary. I wonder if the previous presenter fled leaving the debris or was it abandon after the approach was ripped apart. Confirming that our equipment works without problems, we sit down and wait their arrival.

Quietly I lower my head and close my eyes to focus internal energy painting positive mental images in my mind. Years ago this important of a presentation would rattle nerves and make me unsure that I was fully prepared to lead the presentation. Today is different because I’m completely in control of the concept, approach and rationale. I created a solution that did not exist before and one that the company will realize they can’t live without. I carefully picked the supporting members of the team and crafted the story they will tell. I’ve detailed the schedule to a level that exceeds the client’s understanding of their own project. The presentation is the culmination of months of inventive thinking and we are completely prepared. It is important when dealing with investments of millions of dollars of other people’s money that you exude leadership, strength and decisiveness.

The door opens and five executives dressed in business casual walk in and introduce themselves. Our primary contact for the project has been Rebecca, who is a young attractive professional formally from the pharmaceutical industry. She introduces the other project executives, the vice president of international operations, the facilities director, the operations director and the vice president of new product development. I am immediately impressed with the intelligence of the group as they conclude some business small talk. Smiling to myself I realize we have been placed in front of the cream of the organization and they have come to challenge our ideas. It is moments like theses that I live for, an assembly of powerful, smart, passionate professionals that don’t want to waste time and have come to make the future happen. It is all about vision and possibility with a group like this.

Rebecca informs me that we half 45 minutes and notes that two of the executives will need to leave at that time for other appointments as she turns the floor over to me. I begin by thanking everyone from taking time from their busy schedule and start in discussing the origins of our team. Everyone loves a story that conveys the reason that we come to this point in time with the people present. I use the story to build the relationship between the team members that have evolved over years and even decades. It’s a way to weave in humor, professionalism, expertise, commitment, passion and vision. The conclusion of the story is the reason we are before the group, creating a circular reference back to the present.

Body language is one of the most revealing gestures during an interview. If properly recognized and interpreted body language is an unfair advantage to the presenter exposing the true emotions of the listener. I am able to discern the social order of the group just by how they glance at each other during questions. The subtle gestures convey interest, confusion, disbelief or intrigue. This group is fully engaged with the two lesser executives deferring to the senior executives though subtle unspoken gestures. I turn my attention to the decision makers while still maintaining contact with the others. One must be careful not to slight or ignore anyone at the table for they can become the individuals that could force a hung jury into indecision.

The presentation shifts dramatically as the executives begin to understand the magnitude of the project complexity. The naïve assumptions that preceded this project direction are exposed and the group collectively is overwhelmed by the logistics of implementing the project within the compressed schedule. The questions begin to fly madly at us like bats bolting out of a cave at night. Deftly I field the hardballs and direct them to the appropriate team member who has been scripted on the correct answer. I allow the presentation to be temporarily sidetracked because the questions drive toward each individual’s hidden agenda. The group is extremely intelligent and is able to make the complex connections that we have prepared for much later in the presentation. I attempt table the discussion until the proper section in the presentation and am able to proceed somewhat further down the presentation before the next series of questions erupt.

Many years of experience and hundreds of presentations allows me to steer a fine line between open debate and uncontrollable chaos. Once again I curtail the discussion forcing us back on the scripted presentation because we have systematically anticipated their questions and concerns. Time is beginning to become a concern as we approach the time where two executives will leave and we risk not finishing with our conclusions. As our scientist is bogging down on technical information I advance the slides to push him along while politely acknowledging that we have worked together so long that I know where to push. It gets a laugh from the mostly serious crowd. At one point I begin to fear that the discussion is getting out of hand and the group is about to make important decisions without the benefit of all the facts. I forcefully curtail the discussion and more back to our presentation.

To my amazement the time for the two executives to leave comes and goes. They are so fully engrossed in the discussion that they intentionally delay their departure. This is the most positive signal possible in a presentation like this. We have risen to a level of priority that now supersedes their previous commitments. We have completely captured the decision makers so that all other duties are secondary for the moment. We are playing with dynamite by suggesting the incredible complexity of the project and the daunting magnitude to the logistics, but confidently assuring the group we are the only team capable of delivering the project without question. At one point the discussion taking an ominous turn as someone suggests the project is not feasible and should be abandoned. Alarmed I quickly rescue the discussion by offering that the technical issues are not insurmountable, but will require additional investigation. It is the true academic conclusion to all reports “further research is required”.

Rebecca concludes the presentation with one question “Why should we hire the team?” I openly laugh at the question because it is the most elemental question of all interviews and somehow, I overlooked preparing for that question. In my mind the omission in our preparation is so oblivious that my own body language is revealing how tickled I am with the penetrating simple question that I have no answer for. It is a moment of ironic pleasure as I am completely stumped and admit to the group that we were so immersed in solving their problem, failed to prepare for that fundamental question. As an attribute of the quality team I assembled, one of them answers the question with stunning relevance and brilliance leaving me cackling in the corner.

The presentation concludes with warm handshakes and congratulations on how exceptional our preparation was. I glance at my watch and note that we held the two executives almost 40 minutes past their previous appointments. Rebecca asks for copies of the presentation which we have prepared for and hand her a CD containing all the information presented. The team assembles the equipment and says goodbye to the group. Once again we walk out into the warm humid air of south Florida to wait for a decision from the group. We silently smile at each other knowing the pitch went well as the sun caresses our faces. This is what we do I think to myself. The future is uncertain and we may not know for weeks if we were selected or if another team controlled the process better than us. In time we will hear the decision of the executives concerning their investment of millions of dollars. Until then I will fondly recall the pitch where I was unprepared to answer the most elemental question of all, “Why should we hire you?”

“In the modern world of business, it is useless to be a creative original thinker unless you can also sell what you create. Management cannot be expected to recognize a good idea unless it is presented to them by a good salesman.”

David M. Ogilvy

You Are Love

Halifax, Canada 2007. Photo by Mr. Blue

"A soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone."

Johann von Goeth (1749-1832)

To Distance

“Did you receive the leaf I sent to you?
It lit its yellow way across old roofs.
I hope it found a place upon your coat.
I'd like to know that autumn traveled safe.

Here on the very doorsill of the dusk,
Where nothing is as strong as the ebb tide,
Of light upon the landscape we once knew,
I drink a sunset cup to distance, Friend.”

Sandra Fowler

Content with Nothing except Everything

Photo by Mr. Blue 2007

“A man cannot be wise enough to be a great artist without being wise enough to wish to be a philosopher. A man cannot have the energy to produce good art without having the energy to wish to pass beyond it. A small artist is content with art; a great artist is content with nothing except everything. So we find that when real forces, good or bad, like Kipling and Shaw, enter our arena, they bring with them not only startling and arresting art, but very startling and arresting dogmas. And they care even more, and desire us to care even more, about their startling and arresting dogmas than about their startling and arresting art.”

G. K. Chesterton (1874–1936)