“God defend me from my friends; from my enemies I can defend myself.”
Proverb
The cruelest of indignities is the betrayal of a member of the inner most circle of trust. For me to achieve closure and put a lingering disappointment behind, it is necessary for me to understand that over the course of a long and prominent career your closest business associates will eventually take measure of your success and gauge their own achievements by challenging for your crown. I’ve always been proud of our office culture which provides an environment to develop the most talented and capable professionals in the industry. In doing so our staff of professionals is a highly recruited and a valuable asset in the marketplace. Creating professionals of exceptional caliber requires full disclosure, complete trust and mentoring in every aspect of our vocation, especially professional ethics. I’ve joked with clients for years stating that “I mentor my staff so completely that they will eventually become my competition.” I must now swallow my disappointment and take pride that I now compete in a marketplace that is filled with successful capable professionals that I have nurtured and mentored.
Professional ethics and honor has been the cornerstone of my beliefs. It is only when we hold our actions above reproach that we preserve integrity and public trust. The failure of any of my staff or former staff to embrace ethics as a foundation of the profession is inherently a failure of my leadership, a failure that burdens me personally. It now seems ironic that last week I interviewed for a significant project exclusively against former employees. For the other team, the process seemed to be less about service to the client and more about the personal gratification of putting the old man in his place. I was completely willing to dismiss this amateur and misguided fervor as immaturity and jealousy if we were successful in winning the commission. Unfortunately their zest in teaching me a lesson blinded their business sense and by offering to give their services away at a huge discount under market rate the client felt obligated to put all that cash back in his pocket.
The most painful and sobering betrayal was the fact that the entire revolt against me was orchestrated by an individual that I cultivated to be my heir apparent in the organization. It was the person I vested my greatest efforts and endured my greatest failures, but always was fully committed to development of what I considered exceptional potential. Our relationship began over twenty five years ago when I hired him as an intern out of college. We shared a relationship as close as any family. After close collaboration while he was in various positions with other organizations I decided to open an office for him in another city. He initially took great pride in the fact that he was a principal of an office in his early thirty’s. Unfortunately pride did not translate into a sufficient commitment to make the office successful. Eventually after three struggling years and the personal challenge of his wife finding him screwing the neighbor’s wife, he walked away from the office leaving me a pile of uncollected invoices.
Undaunted by my previous experiences and convinced in his exceptional potential we tried again to open another office a few years later after a period of maturing. I decided that the first failure was the result of a lack of ownership and personal investment so we created a company in which he was majority owner. Understanding his weakness in all items financial, I controlled accounting and payroll. After another struggling three years of me hounding him on revenues, collections and payables, he convinced himself that he would be more responsive if he had his wife assume the accounting responsibilities, which I reluctantly agreed to. Within six months he was out of business leaving again piles of uncollectible invoices, unsecured business loans and worst of all unpaid payroll taxes. This time because of his joint ownership of the company he was unable to avoid the severe personal financial obligations of his decisions. He always rationalized the failure as a causality of the economic turndown after 9/11. In reality he was so distracted by outside personal interests such as coaching his kid’s soccer team and attending community functions what he allowed his employees to run the office. I got never the impression he really invested in the success of his business. Eventually I lost my initial investment and ended up paying over thirty five thousand dollars of his payroll taxes.
It has always been my unalterable believe that you do not abandon family and I considered this individual as family. Upon reflecting on our second failure I believed that he would thrive in a closer relationship in which he was not responsible for business management but could be allowed to fully express his potential. It this point I moved him and his family to town to work in my office. Although this was the most logical arrangement he was mentally devastated by his previous business failures and incredible personal financial insolvency never finding a comfortable position in our operations. After three years of again struggling with meeting financial expectation of the organization and personality conflicts with other senior staff he decided to once again abandon our relationship. I recall his words as he handed in his resignation. “I have chosen this new position especially because they don’t compete with you. Please be assured that I would never want to pursue your clients.”
It is difficult to find the sincerity of his words as he was my project manager for the first phase of this project that we now are competing against each other for phase two, less than 18 months later. How do I release the bitter taste of this betrayal by the closest of friends, of which I have invested hundreds of thousands dollars in his failures? How do I let go of the urge to punish or ridicule this grievous offence I feel? Sadness and incredible disappointment fills my every thought on how little our relationship was valued.
Professional ethics and honor has been the cornerstone of my beliefs. It is only when we hold our actions above reproach that we preserve integrity and public trust. The failure of any of my staff or former staff to embrace ethics as a foundation of the profession is inherently a failure of my leadership, a failure that burdens me personally. It now seems ironic that last week I interviewed for a significant project exclusively against former employees. For the other team, the process seemed to be less about service to the client and more about the personal gratification of putting the old man in his place. I was completely willing to dismiss this amateur and misguided fervor as immaturity and jealousy if we were successful in winning the commission. Unfortunately their zest in teaching me a lesson blinded their business sense and by offering to give their services away at a huge discount under market rate the client felt obligated to put all that cash back in his pocket.
The most painful and sobering betrayal was the fact that the entire revolt against me was orchestrated by an individual that I cultivated to be my heir apparent in the organization. It was the person I vested my greatest efforts and endured my greatest failures, but always was fully committed to development of what I considered exceptional potential. Our relationship began over twenty five years ago when I hired him as an intern out of college. We shared a relationship as close as any family. After close collaboration while he was in various positions with other organizations I decided to open an office for him in another city. He initially took great pride in the fact that he was a principal of an office in his early thirty’s. Unfortunately pride did not translate into a sufficient commitment to make the office successful. Eventually after three struggling years and the personal challenge of his wife finding him screwing the neighbor’s wife, he walked away from the office leaving me a pile of uncollected invoices.
Undaunted by my previous experiences and convinced in his exceptional potential we tried again to open another office a few years later after a period of maturing. I decided that the first failure was the result of a lack of ownership and personal investment so we created a company in which he was majority owner. Understanding his weakness in all items financial, I controlled accounting and payroll. After another struggling three years of me hounding him on revenues, collections and payables, he convinced himself that he would be more responsive if he had his wife assume the accounting responsibilities, which I reluctantly agreed to. Within six months he was out of business leaving again piles of uncollectible invoices, unsecured business loans and worst of all unpaid payroll taxes. This time because of his joint ownership of the company he was unable to avoid the severe personal financial obligations of his decisions. He always rationalized the failure as a causality of the economic turndown after 9/11. In reality he was so distracted by outside personal interests such as coaching his kid’s soccer team and attending community functions what he allowed his employees to run the office. I got never the impression he really invested in the success of his business. Eventually I lost my initial investment and ended up paying over thirty five thousand dollars of his payroll taxes.
It has always been my unalterable believe that you do not abandon family and I considered this individual as family. Upon reflecting on our second failure I believed that he would thrive in a closer relationship in which he was not responsible for business management but could be allowed to fully express his potential. It this point I moved him and his family to town to work in my office. Although this was the most logical arrangement he was mentally devastated by his previous business failures and incredible personal financial insolvency never finding a comfortable position in our operations. After three years of again struggling with meeting financial expectation of the organization and personality conflicts with other senior staff he decided to once again abandon our relationship. I recall his words as he handed in his resignation. “I have chosen this new position especially because they don’t compete with you. Please be assured that I would never want to pursue your clients.”
It is difficult to find the sincerity of his words as he was my project manager for the first phase of this project that we now are competing against each other for phase two, less than 18 months later. How do I release the bitter taste of this betrayal by the closest of friends, of which I have invested hundreds of thousands dollars in his failures? How do I let go of the urge to punish or ridicule this grievous offence I feel? Sadness and incredible disappointment fills my every thought on how little our relationship was valued.
"We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them."
Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)
In the end I must consider their actions as a tribute to the kingdom I have built, for defeating me gives them such immense pleasure. In their minds they have beaten the best and can now rank as my equals. For me it has never been about us, it has been for the greater good of the profession in that a rising tide raises all boat. Longevity is not measured in individual projects but in career of exemplary projects and in preservation of integrity. Success is not measured in individual conquests but in valued relationships maintained along the way.
"In all things preserve integrity; and the consciousness of thine own uprightness will alleviate the toil of business, soften the hardness of ill-success and disappointments, and give thee an humble confidence before God, when the ingratitude of man, or the iniquity of the times may rob thee of other rewards."
Barbara Paley
"It is the nature of ambition to make men liars and cheats, to hide the truth in their breasts, and show, like jugglers, another thing in their mouths, to cut all friendships and enmities to the measure of their own interest, and to make a good countenance without the help of good will."
Sallust (86 BC - 34 BC)
Barbara Paley
"It is the nature of ambition to make men liars and cheats, to hide the truth in their breasts, and show, like jugglers, another thing in their mouths, to cut all friendships and enmities to the measure of their own interest, and to make a good countenance without the help of good will."
Sallust (86 BC - 34 BC)
